Saturday, 26 July 2014

Bullying

Hello sweethearts,

This post is not going to be like my usual posts.
I've drafted this post for quite a while and was contemplating on deleting it or posting it.

I can understand if you guys ignore the post and think "ugh..what is she posting?! I didn't follow her blog to read about these "more serious" posts"
I may or may not have future posts similar to this, but I am posting is because I feel people need to be more aware about the topic.
don't worry though! I do have a review post drafted and ready to be posted soon~

What I write may or may not offend some people, and I would like to clarify I am writing this post with no intentions of offending people.
This post addresses a certain topic, of which I do include alot of my own opinions and thoughts, and I do share some of my personal experiences.

I've decided to blog this because I feel that it is a very important topic which people know about, but only some people go though. 
What am I talking about? 
Bullying
Yup, that's right, Bullying.
The topic I am addressing in this post is bullying.
Although it has not happened to me, it has happened to people around me.
Those reading this post may or may not be a victim to bulling, you might be someone who's been by the sidelines, a by-stander, friend or a family member.
Either way I think you should always say something and try to do something about the bullying.

The most common definition of bullying is;

bully1
ˈbʊli/
verb
gerund or present participle: bullying
  1. use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force them to do something.
    "a local man was bullied into helping them"
    synonyms:persecuteoppresstyrannizetormentbrowbeatintimidatesubjugatedomineer;



Although this is the most accepted definition of bullying, it does not mean bulling is limited to "intimidating someone to force them to do something". 
Bullying can come in many forms; it can be verbal, physical, direct, indirect, social, psychological ect.
Bullying is not limited to being just between children, bullying can happen to adults as well
Bullying can happen anywhere; at school, at work, online ect.
Either way, bullying can have a negative effect on peoples' lives.

Bullying can happen to anyone.
Whether you're female, male, old or young. No matter what race you are, where you live.
Bullying is something that happens anywhere and everywhere.

Before I go on, let me just clarify that if you're close/best friend, family or someone you know well, calls you names/teases you like calling you a "poop", for example. That is not bullying
Although you might be like "duh. of course I know that's not bullying." Some people just want to look victimised or have no common sense to know that it is said as a friendly joke, and who ever is calling you that is just playing around with you.

Bullying can make the victim feel miserable and powerless. Depending on how severe it is, it can have a heavy negative impact on peoples' lives, not just the victim, but also the people around the victim. It can deeply effect people emotionally, mentally and physically.

We have all learnt about [ or I hope have at least heard of ] bullying when we were in primary school. 
Teachers have told us about how we should all "treat others the same way we want to be treated."
Reality is if I give you $100 for no reason it's not like you're going to give me back $100, right? 
What they mean from this phrase is that if we want to be treated nicely and fairly, we should treat others the same.
I'm sure we have all made or have seen those "anti-bullying" or "stop bullying" or "don't be a bystander" type of posters/advertisements when we were younger. 
So if we have learnt so much about not bullying others and wanting to be treated nicely why do people still bully?

"Don't be a by-stander"
What does that mean? 
If you see someone being bullied and you're just standing around watching, you are a by-stander. 
So why don't by-standers stop standing around and go in and help the victim?
There are many reasons. Some of them are;
- They think that if they help the victim, they will be the next target for the bully to bully
- They have the mentality that "someone else will help them [the victim] out"
- They will be kicked out of there social clique, because a person in that clique is the bully
- They are afraid that something will happen to them if they interfere
Being human, to an extent, I believe by-standers probably do have their own reasons for not interfering with the bullying and are somewhat afraid of the consequences that might happen to them if they interfere. However I do believe they should at least let someone know that it isn't right and that they shouldn't be doing it. Whether they choose to quietly tell the bully, another person in the clique, a family member, teacher or senior [I say senior as in someone who is of higher rank of you in a workplace], at least that by-stander has a conscience to know that bullying is wrong, and they are reminding others that it is wrong.

Have you ever heard of a case where the "bully" is being "bullied into bullying".
Was that confusing? Do you understand why I put the "bully" in italics? It has happened before.
What I mean by that is the "victim" makes themselves look weak and as if they are being "bullied" by a person, who is then labeled as the "bully" by the society. That "bully" is then ostracizes, ignored and most likely mistreated by that society and now the "bully" who was never actually a bully is now being bullied by the society.

Now for the bullies. There are 100+ different reasons people bully others. 
Here are two reasons that bullies bully, that make me want to give them a piece of my mind.
(╬ ̄皿 ̄)
For those who bully because they think it "looks cool" or because they thing it's "funny", stop. You're only making other peoples' life miserable and making yourself look like a pathetic jerk.
For those who bully just "for the heck of it", get yourselves' a life. Please. There are many other things you could do instead of wasting your time bullying someone for no good reason and making others feel miserable.
Let me remind you; EVERY ACTION HAS CONSEQUENCES.

Now for the victims of bullying.
Here are 4 tips I would give you if you asked me for advice and I didn't know the situation.
Of course, depending on the type of bullying that is happening, you will have to make a decision and think of what is the right thing to do in the situation.
- Do something about the bullying.
Don't make yourself a "helpless" victim. If you do that, it will only make the bully want to bully you even more because they know you won't do anything to stop them!
- Talk/Tell someone.
Whether it is a friend, family member, teacher, senior or just someone you know, let them know what is going on. Let the bully know that you aren't going to keep the bullying to yourself, and that there are people who are watching and know about the bullying.
- Find out why the bully is bullying you.
Honestly wouldn't you want to know why he/she choose to bully you? If they can't think of a good reason then that bully is  a pathetic jerk and you should let someone, who can do something, know about the reasonless bullying.
- Do not initiate fights/physical attacks.
Even if the bully taunts you to "fight them" don't touch them at all.
Why? Because if you are the first person to initiate contact, you will get into trouble and suffer the consequences for getting into a fight, as you are the person who is in the wrong for attacking a person. Only use self-defence if the bully touches you first. Because if you hurt them in the state of self-defence, the consequences will be less, as you do have the rights to protect yourself from harm.
But do remember; Violence is not an answer. Try your best to stay away from violence.
When you tell someone about the bullying, people will become more aware of it and someone will do something about it. Whether it is reminding the bully know that it isn't right to bully others or just telling them to stop, you have at least done something and made yourself not a "helpless" victim. 

If you are still reading this post, I am really grateful that you have bothered to read such a long post. I would actually love to give you sweethearts a huge hug and a chocolate bar(づ。◕‿‿◕。)
So now you are probably thinking "ok so I know bullying is a big topic in society, but what made Charmaine decided to write about it?"
Well I will be telling you guys the story shortly.

Before I tell you the story, I thought I would share my mini experience on standing up against bullies, just so I can say I have done it before, and so any of you critical readers can not say that I'm just a "random girl writing about something she has never experienced yet."

I hope you guys find these small anecdotes of mine to my a little more interesting and entertaining then all the stuff I wrote above.

- This situation is one of those very minor cases of bullying, between young children. [lol I actually laughed to myself as I recalled this]

When I was much younger, probably around 6yrs old, mummy took me, my younger brother and younger sister [we are 2 and 4 years apart, respectively] went to an indoor playground. As the oldest child in the family, I would always just follow my siblings and take care of them and I made them take turns in doing what they bother wanted to do. So what happened was that there was this other girl who was a little older than me, who was bossing her friends to do her hair and do stuff for her whilst she sat inside a stationary toy boat. 
Did i tell her off for bossing her friends around? no way! Her bossing her friends around is not my problem, I have nothing to do with that. 
Basically my brother wanted to sit and play in that boat, so I told him to wait his turn and we would go in it, when the girl had finished playing. So we played in a cubby house while waiting our turn.
Once the girl left, my brother and sister went to the boat to play, and I [ being a typical older sibling] went to "report" (lol) to mummy that we were ok and we were playing in a toy boat.
When I went back to play with them, the older girl was standing in front of my little brother and sister, demanding them that "it was her boat" and they had to get out otherwise she would "tell her parents". This girl was demanding this from MY little brother and sister, while her friends all stool behind her. So what do you expect me to do? I felt and have always felt that I was the only person allowed to tease ect. my siblings so I got annoyed and went up to the girl and told her off. 

I told her that the boat was for everyone to use and share, if she wanted to use it she would have to wait her turn like we did or she could share it with us, and that there were other things she could play with while waiting.  
Did you imagine me as a little asian girl talking confidently to this older blonde girl? 
well sorry to burst your bubble, but I was actually on the verge of yelling it to the girl because I was shaking in fear and adrenaline, as I have never told a stranger off before in my life
After that the girl left us alone, and one of the her friends actually was so sweet and she came up to me and said sorry to me and my siblings, because her , I direct quote, "friend was being mean".
[ahaha I actually remember running to mummy after that and telling her about it super fast, then running back to play with my brother and sister]

- Another incident was when I was 12 and my brother was 10. Mummy sent us to a tuition center (typical asian lol).
Don't worry guys! This mini anecdote is much shorter than the first one.
So at first my little brother kept came to my class twice, during break, to tell me twice telling me some guy in his class was annoying him.
That guy happened to be the younger brother of some random guy in my class and he was only "annoying" my brother, which I thought all boys did, so I just told my little brother to ignore him.
The second time he came to my class I decided to go to his class and see what was going on.
omg I was ready to slap that guy in the face when I heard what he was saying! seriously! (#.-)
The guy was calling my brother weird names for no reason while his 2 friends were laughing along
So [again] I got mad and I told the boy and his friends off. I told them stuff like "you have no right to call my brother names!" and "I am the only one who can call him names" and "If you don't stop I'll come and kick you" ahaha ok so that last quote was something which I shouldn't have said, but at that moment it was the best thing I could make up on the spot to scare them to not calling my little brother names! 
The next thing I did was totally unnecessary, but, to be honest, it felt good after telling the boys off. 
I stepped on the boy, who was calling my little brother names', foot super hard, then i told his friends that I would kick them in the shins really hard if they tried to call my brother names again. (゜∇゜ヽ)

So now I come to the real reason that made me write such a serious and personal post.
Just recently, this year, my younger brother just started his first year of high school and a random boy from a grade above started to bully him.
The boy doesn't even know my brother and my brother doesn't even know him, and yet he decided to bully my brother. They are basically strangers.
Before I start, I just want to say I'm really proud of my little brother for not keeping it to himself and telling my mummy. He didn't want me to know, so mummy told me secretly and honestly it is a little frustrating that I can't do anything to help.
I am going to refer to this boy as "▼" now, only because I can't be bother to keep typing "this boy" for such a pathetic jerk.
So the first incident was that my little brother was only his way home walking towards the train station when ▼ decided to call out rude names towards my little brother in public. I try my best to keep my blog as PG as possible, but just as an example of the foul language used, I will tell you one of the words he used was "f●ggot". My little brother choose to ignore him and keep on walking with his friends. ▼ continued verbally harassing my brother until my brother got sick of it and shoved him. ▼ ended up on the road, but luckily there were no cars at that time. My little brothers' friends told him to calm down and just walk again, and so he did. Honestly speaking, I do believe my brother was wrong to pushing ▼. He shouldn't have touched ▼ and instead should have continued walking and ignoring ▼.
After that ▼ avoided and didn't harass my little brother for a while.
This ^ was about 6 weeks ago, and during a school parent-teacher interview, my mummy did mention it to the teacher, but my brother told the teacher not to do anything and just leave it be.
Now just recently, yesterday to be exact. This pathetic jerk decided to gang up with another male friend and a girl friend of his to intimiate my brother.
Can you believe what he said to my little brother?!
"Fight Me" omfg you insolent Jerk! You're asking my little brother to fight you?! You are freaking 2 or maybe even 3 years older than my brother and you are asking to fight him while you have two other people with you?! Are you that much of a wimp that you need a 3 on 1 advantage to take on a younger boy who is 2/3 years younger than you?! DO YOU EVEN HAVE A LIFE?! *breathe Charmaine, breathe. Calm down*
Ok so back to the story. So ▼ and his two friends decided to intimidate my little brother by first asking him to "fight me" [ jerk! please. more like fight me and my two other friends because I'm such an inadequate excuse of a human. ] then he and his friends began to follow my little brother home.
How do I know he was "following" my brother home and not just coincidentally taking the same bus/train? BECAUSE HE LIVES ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE RIVER TO US. btw. you live either North or South of the river. My little brother was smart and called mummy to pick him up from the shops, so that ▼ could only follow him so far.
I don't know what is going to happen next, but I understand that my brother doesn't want mummy telling the teacher anymore or finding the bully, because it would make him seem like a "wimp" or something, but I honestly do not understand what this bully has against some boy he doesn't even know the name of!
Mummy and Daddy respect his decision on not getting them involved, but all we have told him is that he is not allowed to touch or attack ▼, and he can only use self-defense is ▼ tries to attack him.

Phew! That is probably the longest post I have written from the top of my head, this year. ahaha I should just cross my fingers that one of my english exams will ask for my opinion about bullying now (≧‿≦)

Let me know, how do you view bulling? has it ever happened to you or someone you know?
How did you/they deal with it?

till next time!
love,
Charmaine

7 comments:

  1. I really enjoyed reading this post since I think you covered a sensitive topic pretty well. Although I haven't personally been bullied, a close family member of mine has multiple times. Like with your own case, it was hard for me to intervene since she didn't want me to. It broke my heart when I found out she actually kept it from my family for a whole year. To be honest, I only found out the whole and complete story a few years ago from her. Our family kinda solved the issue by having her move schools to the one I was going to (we were going to different schools at the time). It seemed like the best solution since the situation was out of hand and affecting her well-being. Although she did have a few issues, she is in now much better environment that is free of bullies.

    An important aspect of bullying that really bothers me is the long-term effect it has on the victim. In my case, it took a few years for my family member to finally move on from the incident. The bullying incident had Ieft so many emotional scars that were difficult to heal, even over time. I am so proud of how much she has changed since then but I know that she still has insecurities about it sometimes. Recently, she told me how she actually met the people that bullied her on the bus. They ignored her since they didn't even recognize who she was.. That part really made me angry since it was like they didn't even care about the scars they left on their victim. That's why I agree with you that people need to be more mindful of their own actions and realize that it's not "funny" to make someone else's life horrible.

    Whew...This is getting to be a long comment lol. But I just want to say that I hope for the best with your brother. It's great that he told your mom and I think that all victims should definitely tell someone. It's not good to keep it all in to yourself when there's people around you to help!

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  2. Tell your brother to stay strong! Downward triangle will be outta there soon and your brother is definitely going to be more successful! ALSO STAY STRONG TOO, OKAY! Just remember that bullies are jealous people who pick on others because they want what the victim has.
    xxxxx

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  3. I think you made the right decision to publish this post to remind us and raise awareness about bullying because personally, I don't think it's emphasized enough.. not even in school. The teachers just touch on the topic a little at the most and it's done. Most of the time, the students probably don't get an in-depth meaning of bullying. And bullying should be learned about from young as I feel bullies like to bully others consistently as they grow up, thinking it's an okay thing to do... anyway, I know how you feel actually. I'm also an older sister and whenever one of my siblings get bullied of course, I want to stop the bullying! I remember an incident that happened when I was young and me and siblings were at the swimming pool. These 2 kids tried to take away our swimming props that we were using! Like, reallyy? So I tried to defend ourselves verbally and then the guy started using foul language. The only way I solved this was just by reporting it to the lifeguard who dealt with it really well. Unfortunately, it seems to me there are actually so little ways to solve bullying as if you want to solve it, you might need to either change the bully's perspective or heart, or just ignore them and live happily after.. (ok not really, but.. yeah.) Anyway, I hope the issue with your brother will be solved soon! Good luck! X

    Chic Nikkie

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  4. Wow Charmaine you are actually so brave to stand up to those bullies in the two incidents!! Kudos to you for being such an amazing big sister, your younger brother should be so glad he's got a sister like you!! I'm sure most of us have probably been bullied before, i guess the best way is to just ignore them :( Thanks for sharing this Charmaine!

    xx
    www.beautifyinglifee.blogspot.com

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  5. wow this post is really awesome Charmaine! I feel so proud of you because you stood up against bullies! I think you did the right thing in the past. I feel so sorry for your brother thought, I hope this weird guy won't bother your brother anymore. It's sad that you can't do anything against these bullies but I think they will stop eventually, don't worry T T . Your brother is a really brave guy. I think you should find out who that guy is and secretly tell him to stop or tell teachers secretly so your brother won't feel like a wimp because he won't even know you did it. I'm happy you wrote this post, it was nice to read such a long meaningful post between all the beauty reviews you usually write.
    I, myself, have experienced bullying like 34539 already. Since I live in Germany and there aren't many asian looking people, many people here do not like foreigners or people who are differnt and idek why. That's why I was really self conscious when I was smaller and even asked myself why I have to be asian and couldn't be white like all the other kids in my class, it totally sucked. I wouldn't tell anyone because I felt kinda embarassed for it. They were always making fun of me and being extra mean and unfair from kindergarten to middle school. I'm happy that I can finally accept myself and just ignore these dumb people saying unnecessary stuff. I cana totally relate to your brother and felt really sad while reading this T T

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  6. charmaine you are the sweetest, kindest, sister and this just tweaked a string in my heart a bit ;___; i'm so proud and stay strong charmaine and support your brother like you are always, that bully has nothing on your brother, so tell him to be himself always etc.
    xxcharmaine, loveya for being the best strong sister
    --lindaaaa

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